This post is necessary. It should make me look like more of a fool though, which is rather typical. I'm going to talk about romantic love as an outsider, as a failure. As always, I want to start a dialogue about these thoughts. Feel free to join in with me at any time. If necessity is born from desire then here I am starting with a universal desire to love. All of the current models from which I draw wisdom are those relational stories that capture what not to do. From those negative examples, I am trying to construct the positive.
How do we love? When I consider what a book might contain with this title, TIME and FAILURE seem like topics to include.
She wants this, I want that.
To give her what she wants, go beyond communication:
1.) Think about her. What do you believe she needs?
2.) Ask her close friends, what does she need?
3.) Ask her father, what does she need?
4.) Ask her mother, what does she need?
5.) Pray and be your prayer that you will become what she needs.
To receive what I need, go beyond my own thoughts and communicated information:
1.) What do I need from the perspective of others?
3.) Pray and be your prayer of understanding.
Once needs are known, how should they be communicated?
- verbal requests?
- written requests?
- through analogy?
- within romance?
- temper tantrum?
Some effort should be spent applying thought to the options available for the unique opportunity to fit the situation.
What will make a relationship succeed?
Living examples --> Who? --> Dave and Renee
Dating, always dating --> How? --> Be creative with words 1 hour a week. Write about her and the ideas will follow.
Talking --> When? --> While we dance, while we are silent, while we eat, while we sleep.
In regards to love, I see failure everywhere. What is the common thread when relationships fall apart?
"I do not love you anymore."
How Lord can I become love's action and as such so much more than a mere desire to do so? ...
My thoughts: To the extent that love is seen as a desire, to that extent it will be less lovely. No one loves. No one.
We crave what love speaks or rather whispers in our thoughts, that is, being known. Despite our fragile appearance of goodness that veils our now unmasked ugliness, we receive our favor within love. Favor in the form of time. Favor in the form of communication. Favor in the form of presence. We receive what we know we want yet do not deserve. How do we secure an undeserved gift? We make promises with rings. We attempt to find the security. There must be something missing. If God is missing, let us find God.
Again, the common thread is: "I do not love you anymore."
The models in my life are filled with men who have had a wife that has added to this thread. I can learn from the two stories that I know the most.
1.) My father
- He left adventure out of his relationship.
- He did not make my mother his best friend.
- My mother's history communicated needs that were never explored.
- He gained a lot of weight and left adventure out.
- He did not read books (even at the request of his wife).
- Him and his wife did not direct their thoughts at engendering the best version of themselves through the relationship.
My commitments must reflect active learning:
1.) I will read the news for 10 minutes everyday.
2.) I will read a book for 20 minutes everyday.
3.) Every morning: push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups.
4.) I will have an active passion.
5.) I will author an adventure that creates a story to tell every month that I am alive.
To my love:
1.) I will search your needs with this shared philosophy:
"We are comfortable discussing the needs we possess. Our words are essential to create the environment that will change us into individuals that will ultimately serve one another in a dynamic way. By dynamic, we understand that we will both change, our needs will change, and as a result we will need to continually change one another. Finally, we stand strong on these foundations: 1.) You can be what I need. 2.) I can be what you need. 3.) Together we will form each other into the best version of ourselves."