Staggering sideways, drooling uncontrollably and pissing like a leaky faucet that keeps you up at night by constantly dripping, Buddy is so sick that I have to take him to the emergency vet. Walking in to the emergency vet clinic, I am an emotional wreck, but I pull it together long enough to follow the clinician to a room where we are alone to wait for the veterinarian. As you might expect, I am quite anxious to get a diagnosis for my sick little puppy. As I start to tell Buddy "It's ok Bud man, the doctor will...." I absolutely burst into tears without finishing my sentence. Just as I started to cry with the sort of cry that turns the pronunciation of words to into short gasps of incomprehensible syllables, the vet walked in to examine Buddy. She greets me with a question.
Vet: "Hi. How are you?"
Me: "I..am..sad.." (tears)
Buddy: laying sideways on the floor
Vet: hands me a Kleenex, which I soil immediately.
Vet: "So has Buddy gotten into any substances that you know of."
Me: "River water and dog food." (The tears are slowing)
Vet: "He is exhibiting classic symptoms of pot ingestion."
Ok, so when she said this to me, I immediately felt her eyes burn into mine. Take note: I am wearing a shirt with a hole in it, shoes with holes in them, jeans that have food stains on the right leg and my hair is, well, you know, the usual jumble of unorganized curls. I could almost see myself in her eyes. Hence, I realized very quickly that no matter what I said, she was going to conclude that I was the one who accidently dosed my dog with mary jane.
Me: "Um...I don't smoke pot."
Vet: (with a big grin) "Well, your dog found some and didn't share it then."
She went on to tell me that Buddy will be ok by morning. I was still skeptical that my dog, my athletic frisbee catching cuddle machine, would have ingested pot. I mean, we're together almost 100% of the day. How the hell did he eat this stuff without me knowing? My skepticism brought on a urine test administered by the vet.
Buddy tested positive for the presence of marijuana. I guess he's officially entered his experimental teenager years.